it’s time to lock out

00:10I've never been good at finding balance, at figuring out this happy medium where everything in my life just works together. Sometimes it feels like it though, like maybe I finally cracked the code just for a little bit. though it usually just means I spend too much time focusing on one thing while neglecting everything else.

00:36And this time around that has been no exception. I tell myself I'm too busy to focus on the rest. That when I have some spare time, then I will attend to them. A lie I tell myself far too often. Nowadays, whenever someone asks me how I've been or what I've been up to, my standard response is busy.

01:24I'm either busy with work or busy catching up with everything I missed while I was so busy with work. And any spare time in between is filled busying myself with other people's busy lives. I'm stuck in a constant loop of catching up where I never seem to not be busy.

01:43And everywhere I look, people are doing the same. Everyone's constantly locked in. And if they're not, that's what they're striving to be. It's the new standard in some ways because busyiness means importance, means purpose, means desire. If you're not busy, what are you doing?

02:03And so busy has become my baseline. It's like I've trained myself to see spare time as a warning sign rather than a necessity, which of course is a very fragile system to be operating on. So, it's no wonder that in my constant loop of busyiness, there is the inevitable collapse.

02:26And then comes the next hurdle, starting back up again. Because I either do everything and too much of it or absolutely nothing at all. I never really find myself in the middle. And wherever I land on that spectrum, it always feels the same.

02:42I am consumed by the guilt of not doing enough. It seems that no matter how busy I get, I can always be busier. So, I've had to put myself in timeout to force myself to hit pause for a second cuz I realized that I can count on one hand how many weekends I've spent not working this year.

03:12On the one hand, it seems to have paid off. I mean, I've achieved what once seemed nothing but a distant childhood dream. But on the other hand, I've completely forgotten what balance looks like, or any semblance of it for that matter. I guess I've mastered one end of the spectrum, the locking in one.

03:33But I think it's time to remind myself of the art of locking out. I bought a coloring book for adults supposedly. It doesn't look very much like it would be for adults, but it is classified as being for adults. And I bought a bunch of markers.

04:07And I'm just going to doodle a little bit while I talk about my quest for balance. Jump scare. I had to move locations because of the light. But something I've realized is that I think I use busyiness as a bit of a distraction because, you know, on the one hand, I have genuinely been really busy this year with work.

04:32I'm not just working the weekends for funsies and just for the sake of keeping myself busy. But at the same time, I am my own boss. So, I have to start wondering where this urge to bury myself with work actually comes from. And I think it's because it's a way for me to distract myself and a way to feel in control.

04:49In the grand scheme of things, I still don't really know what I'm doing or where I'm going. And by keeping myself busy, at least it feels like I'm doing something, like I'm figuring out my life, which is not that healthy. So, I've been I've been trying to set more boundaries and actually end work at a decent time and actually take off the weekends, which has been not super successful so far.

05:19Mostly because I finding it so hard to relax. Hence why I'm trying, you know, relaxing activities like this. I've come to realize that the constant urge to keep myself busy also spills over into my downtime. Because truthfully, a lot of it is filled with this or this, which might feel relaxing, but really it's just another form of distraction, another way to keep my brain busy.

05:46In fact, there's actually very few times in my day where I allow my brain to just be, to not bombard it with new information, but rather give it a chance to process my own thoughts for once. Turns out the hardest part of finding balance isn't even to physically stop working, but rather to figure out how to stop your brain from working overtime as well.

06:09I think for me an outlet like that is always going to look like something a bit creative and something where I have to use my hands. So drawing or coloring or puzzling or painting like it's just the perfect sweet spot for me to I guess be focused enough that I don't completely spiral but also not focused enough that I can't think about anything anymore.

06:35But now it's just a matter of implementing those activities without feeling guilty about it. Cuz I do think it's so important to give your brain and yourself that space to just wind down properly. Because without it, this sense of busyiness and overwhelm and restlessness will keep spilling over and balance will only be harder to achieve.

07:07A strong foundation is the key to building something that carries weight. And when it comes to storytelling, music is a massive part of my foundation, which is why I go to Musicbed. My creative process can be extremely messy and it looks different for pretty much every single video that I make, but the one constant in all of my projects is that they all start with music.

07:22It's the backbone to every story of mine, and it dictates how everything ends up flowing together. So quality music is really a non-negotiable for me and Music Bed never fails to deliver. They provide music made by real artists who put just as much heart and intention into their work as I do into my own.

07:47And it's not just me. You guys can feel the difference as well. So take your projects to the next level and make the switch to Music Bed today. Start your 14-day free trial using the link in my description. I used to think that balance was something that just sort of presented itself.

08:10That one day I would figure it out and everything would fall into place, which is nothing but wishful thinking. Cuz there's always more work to be done or chores to tick off or ideas to generate and inspiration to gather and accounting. There's always more accounting to do.

08:34It's actually very hard to come by a time when all things are done. So, it's pretty silly to create some sort of reward system based on conditions that can never really be met. I guess I've had to learn the hard way that balance, just like most things in life, is something you need to learn and practice and enforce and repeat.

08:54It's a constant process of micro adjusting. You'll never really find yourself perfectly in the middle, and that's not the point anyway. Life will tip the scale at all times and in all directions. And instead of overcorrecting when those things happen, I'm trying to learn how to continuously make small adjustments.

09:16Just enough to keep my balance, but not enough to tip me over to the other side.